Josi (O-Josi-O) (eris_devotee) wrote,
Josi (O-Josi-O)

If I wasn't having surgery in 3 weeks and I didn't need to be healthy in the meantime...

after covering it for 3 years (and me being on it for 6), Medicaid decided to deny klonopin. I ended up paying for it out of pocket, and will need to do so from now on apparently.

Abrupt cessation of klonopin can be deadly. If I didn't need to be healthy, I'd let the withdrawal process start, then I'd end up in the ER with a 150 resting heart rate, cold sweats, tremors, possibly seizures, hallucinating, paranoid and loaded with magical thinking.

Then Medicaid would end up paying for a hospital stay while I go through withdrawals.

But I have to stay healthy for surgery, so I had to buy it myself. It was a lot (to me - $48) at Walgreen's, but I needed it before I could resume the capability to shop around for better pricing. Thankfully, Costco (you don't have to be a member to use their pharmacy) has it for $12.50/mo, so that's where I will be refilling it.

Benzos work for me without turning my mind into soup. The state prefers buspar over benzos, and I do not tolerate buspar *at all*. Benzos do their job without a lot of side effects, AND I'm on a relatively low dose, so my crazy isn't obliterated, it's moderated... and likewise my logic circuits.

But this all makes me terrified of what might get denied re:meds after eye surgery. I've left a message for the doctor asking her to go through the pre-approval process now, but it's the stupidest system. Only the doctors can make the requests, but they don't tell the doctors anything about approval/denial. Instead, they SNAIL MAIL A LETTER TO ME. So it's 7-10 days after the request is made that I find anything out from them.

Like I wasn't stressed enough about this surgery. Worrying about not being able to afford post-op antibiotics and pain relief scares the fuck out of me. And then it happens again in the fall when I have the second surgery.

It's defeating. More cuts to Medicaid are coming. And higher copays.

It's making me very sad, on the verge of tears. fight fight fight. I'm fucking sick. Fighting *that* is all I've got, but I'll end up dead if I don't find the reserves. Expenses are going up, with no increase in revenue in the next year, at least.

It is what it is, so I need to process the emotions and move on. surgery money bureaucracies travel needles

and strange dreams.
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