Josi (O-Josi-O) (eris_devotee) wrote,
Josi (O-Josi-O)
eris_devotee

Patching again today - brain just can't handle the double images. I had to stop for about a week - the lack of light was causing depression, plus my right eye has uncrossed a bit. But for some reason, today I can't deal.

It's really weird. I can usually see my monitor unpatched. The doc says I have one distance and position where my eyes align, and it's about 18 inches in front of me. I still close one eye a lot when using the computer, but today I need the patch.

I'm also able to use my lens prism again with some success - it's good enough for watching TV or talking to Bob. My glasses totally mess up my close-up vision, though, so I have to take them off to do dishes or deal with my phone or eat. I only have one pair, so I hate always taking them on and off. Most of the day they are off, unless I am out and about.

7 weeks until surgery. Today, that seems like a long time but I know that it will fly by... especially as the date gets closer and I have all the pre-surgical consultations and testing. Plus my disability review happens right in the middle of now and then, and while I'm nearly 100% certain it will go through again, there's still all the bureaucratic baloney and hoops to jump through. I'm still really irritated that the SocSec office is so difficult to get to through public transportation, especially considering how close I live to it.

I'm really hoping there's some sort of decent work from home situation I can find after I can see again. I don't need to make much, but I'd like to be off of disability pay, and paying into soc sec, for a while. It'll mean better benefits down the road, but also I just want to be productive. And not through spending money on crochet stuff that just barely pays itself off.

I keep wandering between worrying about now and worrying about the long-term. I suppose that is pre-surgical anxiety, for the most part. But also - I look into the future and know that my disability benefits are not going to keep up with increases in rent and utilities and such and it feels very unstable. Especially as I get older and my skills get dusty and I get more difficult to employ.

I suppose I should concentrate on right now. Right now, I'm financially stable. I have just enough, but it's enough. Anxiety about surgery is normal, and it's not at an unreasonable level. Although I imagine as it gets closer I'll have more sleep issues because that's just how it goes.
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