Josi (O-Josi-O) (eris_devotee) wrote,
Josi (O-Josi-O)
eris_devotee

Made bread yesterday. Not fancy artisan style, just milk bread. But I wanted something rich and a little cake-like, that would stay moist for a little while. It's an effort to get me to eat sandwiches, and the grocery bread keeps drying out (I get it from the bakery, and their options are limited to crusty varieties, and I'm not a fan of mass-produced factory bread).

I said to hell with blood sugar and had a piece slathered in nutella. OMG. And it's SO calorie dense. For now, I'm going to say to heck with blood sugar and eat to gain weight and take metformin if I end up needing it. I don't want diabetes, but I'm really really really skinny again and there's a trade-off I need to make.

I just can't do it with meat/flesh. I don't like the fatty stuff, and I can't eat enough of the lean stuff to make it worth trying to gag down.

I'd eat more roasted garbanzos, but skinning them takes for-freaking-ever. I should try experimenting with baking them with the skins on and see... I just know I can't tolerate the skins in soup.

Without exception, up until now I've been excited and happy for people I know who are expecting or have babies. No envy whatsoever. A little longing maybe, but pure joy for the parents. I just found out someone I know is pregnant and it made me cry. This person already screwed up one kid, bounces from relationships, is broke and can't afford the family she already has, and she gets to have another kid. It hurts. The whole reason I'm not trying to get pregnant, even after the eye surgeries, is because it's not in the best interests of a potential child. And someone else who has shown she can't deal with life, let alone being a proper mother, is going at it again. bleh.
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