Embracable Aberration

Thanks to bouncing between hyper- and hypo-thyroidism several times in the past 2 months... my hair is falling out in fistfuls.

I have a lot of hair, so it's not as bad as it would be for someone with less hair (or straight hair), but it doesn't show signs of letting up either. It started about a week ago. I was REALLY upset about it, but I can't do anything to change it and if I end up patchy or balding, I'll shave it all off and start over. I have a big ole alien head, and I can't let the sun touch my scalp, so I might look into a wig for the short term.

There's a chance it won't all grow back... but... I really don't think that will happen to me. I've been really sick for a long time, and it took majorly fucking with my hormones in a very short time period for it to finally get to my hair. Not even chemo got to my hair (although there's a chance that chemo *plus* the thyroid stuff is what it took to make my hair fall out).

I pushed myself through the emotions of it quickly, though, because I just don't have time for self-pity right now. My first reaction was the strangest - when I saw the huge gob of hair on the hairbrush and imagined a resulting bald patch, I felt oddly ashamed. Fortunately, that reaction seemed ridiculous so I laughed that off and moved on to FUCK, THAT'S MY HAIR rather quickly. Then I went to dammit, I'm 38 years old, I have scars all over my face - my freakin hair is what I have left!. Then I worried that Bob would find me old and haggard if I lost too much hair. Then another huge gob came out in the shower and I realized that what's going to happen is going to happen.

My hair is sorta my in-person trademark - poofy blonde (big messy) curls that fly all over when I move my head. People who haven't seen me in a long time can tell it's me from behind, even if I have a totally different hair cut. I've been likened to Woodstock (Snoopy's bird friend) by several different people. And I am not ok with losing my hair, but I also can't let it wound me.

I'm turning comments off for this post.

3 months ago, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, so I went on anti-thyroid medications. After being on the anti-thyroid meds for 2 months, my blood tests showed that I had gone over into total hypothyroidism so they took me off of the meds for 2 weeks. That made me go back to being *very* hyperthyroid (even worse than before), so now I am back on the anti-thyroid meds.

That's made me mostly insane with the ups-and-downs of my hormones being fucked with. I gain weight, then lose it, then gain it again. I'm an emotional wreck. It's totally screwing with my menstruation (my cycles are all over, and I'm either bleeding like a stuck pig for a week, or barely bleeding at all for barely 2 days).

If I had insurance, I'd get some of my thyroid removed. It is considered "elective" surgery at this point (for me), because I have other options (the meds), so the Access Network doesn't offer me a reduced fee. The hospital would give me a 50% discount, but that means I'd still need to come up with about $10-15k.

According to the DEA's mandatory sentencing policies, 1-9 grams of LSD will send you to jail for not less than 5 years for a first offense.

Yet a 250 lb cop who beat up a 100 lb female bartender because she stopped serving him gets 150 hours of community service and probation. Chris Brown made Rihanna barely recognizable, and he gets community service and probation, too.

Yet there are peaceful deadheads rotting in jail because they got busted with a few unicorns.

This makes so much sense to me. This is justice in action, right?

Growing up, I had *a lot* of handmade clothing. My mom is an experienced and talented seamstress (and crocheter and macramé-er and needlepointer) and in addition to fabulous Halloween costumes, she made many of my nicer dresses. In other words, my mom made the stuff that would've been too expensive for our family if she purchased the same quality that she could stitch.

My mom's goal wasn't to replace the cheap plastic "costumes" that one can get at Walgreen's - it was to replace the sort of costume one rents from a shop. My mom didn't make tie-on sundresses - why bother when K-Mart sold those for cheaper than she could get good material, why bother when a sundress is for play time? She made birthday dresses, Easter dresses, formal dance dresses... my first Holy Communion dress had over a hundred tiny appliqué flower baskets that my mom hand-applied...

why is this different in the crochet world? Why would people want to spend a lot of time to make unspecial everyday type clothing? Is it just to have that "I made it myself" feeling?

I don't consider "did you make that?" a WIN. A WIN is "where did you buy that?".

Here is my rule of thumb when it comes to garment designs I feel are worthy of being published patterns:

If you saw it in a boutique window, would you (want to) buy it? If someone gave you a $200 gift certificate to a swanky store, and the design-in-question was on a mannequin, does the style & fit & construction make you want to try it on?

If the answer is no, then why the hell would ANYONE take the time to make it for themselves?

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Brett Favre continues to make me laugh. I hope he plays for Minnesota and then gets smeared by both the Bears AND the Packers and then gets dumped and loses every last fan he ever had.

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Letterman is a jackass for going after someone's kids. That's cheap and his comment was sleazy even if he did mean it to be the older daughter. That said... the same people taking umbrage would've voted in a man who made unprovoked comments about Chelsea Clinton... so PUH LEASE on the outrage. It's not credible.

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So far, no chest pains this month. They usually come 2-3 days before my period arrives. My cycle might finally be getting longer again (I was down to 24 days!), so I might still be due... but I think the motrin is keeping the swelling down enough that I am relieved of the pericarditis.

* * * * *

I've gotten the hang of knit/purl. I can do stockinette, garter, ribbing, seed stitch and simple cables. My combo piece is coming along and I think y'all are gonna like it.

It kinda drives me a little bit crazy that people get caught up in using the colors shown in the photos that accompany a pattern.

So I've coded a widget (of sorts) that will help people test out other colors with a stitch pattern. The user can't customize the stitch pattern - only the colors - and I would like to include it as a part of the patterns that get published in Tension Magazine.

It's not formatted in its current state, as I will be including it within patterns and using the formatting associated with that issue of the magazine, but here it is in its raw form:

http://www.iamintheloop.com/tensionmagazine/colorTest.php

If y'all would play with it just a little bit and let me know if it bonks out on you, that would be awesome. Thanks.

Out of my kitchen window, I can see my neighbor's chain link fence. And through the links, I can see the horizontal stripes of the siding on my neighbor's house. Over the top of that is the mesh of my window screen, and the view is broken into sections by my window frame, and the scene is cut off by the slats of my mini-blinds.

And I could stare at it for hours, shifting my focus and drawing pictures from the intersections, watching sparks of light travel along their paths as they illuminate points on the network.

The whole city is like this for me - the geometries of wires and windows and broken concrete, of poles and smokestacks and skyscrapers, of trains and highways and street signs and sidewalks.

BESTEST FLASH MOB EVAR

Bad haircut - CHECK

Hairy armpits - CHECK

but I wanna show off that I actually have muscles, that my legs actually have flesh, that my cheeks are actually kinda on the chubby side even when the rest of me is still slender, that my shoulder bones aren't pointy...



10 more lbs of muscle by the end of the summer. Then, I'll be myself again.

*Excellent* article. An excerpt (emphasis mine):

Great design at places such as Apple isn't about "empowering decision makers" or whatever that lame B-school buzzword is. It's about awarding massive power and self-determination to those with the most cohesive vision--that is, the designers. Those are the people with the best idea of what customers want. That's the essence of "design thinking." If you were to summarize just how ugly--and self-defeating--the alternative can be, AA's Web site would be a smoking gun.

The collapse of print media has been covered as if it were a sign of the End Times, because those from within either cannot see or do not wish to expose some of the real reasons publishers are folding in the Age of Information.

People in print media are used to wielding the power of their reach - whether it is a political endorsement, a product review, the wording of an article, the decision to run with a story, the models chosen for a photo shoot, the novels that might get optioned into films, etc etc etc... all those things meant the people who can get your name in print without you having to pay an advertising fee *always* got the best seats in the house. Which, of course, leads to a circle of glad-handing and reach-arounds and yes-men... it leads to the notion that content is meaningless because *they* create the trends.

Then came the internet, and slowly they saw their audiences dribble away to better writing, to a form of editorial that could be more honest without advertisers to appease, to street level photography done by people local to the issues...

and print media rolled their eyes, took shots at the legitimacy of the new wave, and *eschewed* the internet as beneath their standards. The dribble turned into a steady stream of people who went to Snopes & Gawker & The Chicagoist. And print media conceded they needed a web presence, so they slapped together websites that had the exact same content as their printed media and then they wondered why they were suddenly selling even fewer issues. They shook their fists at the internet and called bloggers unwelcome interlopers, unprofessional dilettantes with no constraints or ethics. They warned us all about the folly of trusting internet sources.

And I think the truth is that print media is full of self-important luddites who became unaccustomed to paying people what their skills are worth. Publishers, after all, have long lists of people who just want to see their name in the byline no matter what the paycheck. Craft publishing is especially like this. But those with the skills to put together a media conglomerate's website aren't likely to take a pay cut just because they are working for a publisher, and publishers weren't used to people who didn't want to impress them.

So the dribble turned into a flood and by then it was too late. If your website isn't functioning/attractive and if you cannot deliver your content digitally, you will not be successful in any information/entertainment medium because those with good websites and digital content will easily and quickly eclipse your product.

My new favorite portrait of Bob, my hottie husband:

No matter what I do to my hair, I have HELMET HEAD. And by HELMET HEAD I don't mean it looks flat as if I've just removed a helmet. No, no - I look like I'm wearing a helmet even though I am not.

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Big whopping doses of steroids are back in my life. They are the only treatment that really works with me (that I can afford). And it's not the immediate side effects that make me hate prednisone - it's the long-range effects of long-term use (although the immediate side effects do suck hairy monkey balls).

A little at a time, though, it's all getting better. I'm taking 3200 mg/day of motrin and... I guess the junkie in me had too little respect for NSAIDS. Besides right after a few surgeries, I've never taken them at this dosage before and I gotta say that the all-over relief of swelling is quite nice.

Gaining weight... it's been 8 or 9 years since I've weighed 109 lbs (or more), and not for a lack of trying. 110 lbs was always my low end, and meant I should probably have a night out of appetizers & desserts. I think I look best when I'm 118 and when some of it is well-toned muscle.

* * * * *

I'm making beef stewed in poblano pepper sauce. The recipe just sorta came to me, so I'm making it. I've got some fresh corn, so I thought I'd make a cold salad (w/rice & cilantro & lime, maybe?) to go along with the meat. I'm making cheesecake for dessert because I've been craving it. Just a 6", probably with an almond crust (because I have a sackful).

Woohoo, I've gained another 8lbs - I weighed in at 109lbs. Measurements: 34.5 - 26.5 - 36 (which is +1.5, +1.5, +1). My underbust is still 28", so that brings my bra size up to a 32B+. Wahooooooooooooo! Actual for realz curves. I don't want to gain too much more weight before I can start adding some muscle, but I can't exercise just yet.

I might have to get my thyroid removed. I'll know more when the most recent round of blood tests comes back (Friday).

My hair is chopped off (for me). I didn't really want it this short (it's just above my shoulders)... but it ended up that way. I should've just cut it myself like I always do, but exactly because it had gotten so long was why I couldn't reach it any longer. I cried after my haircut and it was so bad that Bob didn't even think I was being silly. Oh well - my hair grows really quickly, but I lost about 8 inches. I'm *not* posting pics until it grows out a little bit more... it's way too soccer-mom at the moment. The upside is I suppose it will be a lot easier to grow out my own color again.

So what's the deal with your new project, Tension Magazine, you ask?

It's a quarterly crochet-centric lifestyle magazine for urban adults.

Huh?

Oh, you need more than that? Ok, try this on for size:

The founding editors are Crochet's Dream Team: Julie Armstrong Holetz, Laura Killoran & Josi Hannon Madera.

Each full issue will have 10-12 patterns/projects (60-70% crochet, the remainder a smattering of other fiber arts), 5+ recipes, and lots of interviews/articles/techniques that focus on the art & politics & businesses & family lives of the people who work with fiber (from everywhere in the world).

It's an all-digital adventure, and we have no plans (now or ever) to create a printed version. Our online version will allow for pattern generators which not only size patterns for you - they will also allow you to choose between standard and British terminology, English and Metric systems of measurements, and eventually between English & Spanish versions of patterns (probably not articles, though - at least not for the first several issues).

Our photography will: lean towards urban landscapes, as opposed to pastoral ones; won't shy away from (or condemn or sensationalize) same-sex couples (or households with same-sex partners); might occasionally contain nudity.

Our articles: will encourage debate on current topics both within and without the craft-as-art world; will assume our readers are intelligent, thoughtful, critical individuals; will inform about aspects of crochet design that normally go uncovered to make space for the "how to single crochet" pages most publishers seem reluctant to forgo.

Our patterns: will be the best available, online or otherwise, when it comes to clarity, accuracy, fit of completed pieces & styling. I will work with designers personally, to incorporate my full range of garment-engineering knowledge, to make certain all aspects of clothing construction are solid for every pattern we publish. That means: don't be shy about submitting your ideas, because even if you are unsure about parts of it - one of the bonuses of working with Tension Magazine is the support you will receive from the editorial staff.

Our payscale & policies :

(1) All rights revert to the designer six months after initial publication. We may offer some designers the option to continue to sell their patterns through Tension Magazine's website, for which they will receive 50%* of sales of their patterns. *(after PayPal/credit card transaction fees, see contract for details)

(2) We've devised a payscale that rewards designers for their continued contributions to Tension Magazine. After being published in 4 issues, we bump up designers (and writers) to the next rung on the ladder (it will equal about a 15-20% increase in payment), after being published in 8 issues there's another bump up the ladder.

(3) All patterns in Tension Magazine will also be available to purchase individually, on our website, concurrent with the publication of the issue in which they are featured. Designers/pattern writers will receive 50%* of sales of their patterns. *(after PayPal/credit card transaction fees, see contract for details)

ok, now I'm interested! When is this coming out?

Our "mini issue" debuts in September 2009. Each of our issues will have a theme - a single word that evokes a color and a flavor/smell. The theme for our autumn mini issue is Cocoa.

Our first full issue, Winter 2009 issue goes live December with a Cinnamon theme.

We are taking ideas for submissions for these issues, and for Spring 2010 (Lemon) and Summer 2010 (Blueberry).

Any more questions? Sign Up For Contributor Guidelines

If someone vocalized that she had a problem with a US-based crochet magazine publishing the pattern of a non-US based designer - what would you think?

Would your feelings about the complaint/complainer be different if the exception was about a magazine including a gay or lesbian designer? a Muslim designer?

What if it was a UK-based magazine and the complaint was about including US designers

Free window-unit air conditioner to anyone who wants to pick it up. 5000 btu, good condition. I have 2, and my new apartment only needs 1.

When I woke up, a few days ago, with 10 new spots - I guess I should've considered what that meant. That's a lot of new lupus activity to happen overnight, and new spots are always precursors to a flare.

My endocrinologist told me that I was supposed to go to the ER if I had another episode of chest pain bad enough to keep me up at night. At 1 am Thursday, I woke up drenched in sweat and in *a lot* of pain. Natural childbirth levels of pain. In my chest.

And do you know that I didn't go to the ER for another 4 hours? I tried to distract myself, and I kept trying to lay down and go back to sleep. Which only made the pain get worse (I'll explain later).

At 5am, I finally woke Bob up and told him what was going on. He said that we had to call an ambulance. So we did. They put me on oxygen & took me to the UIC ER (and I learned that they *never* take heart patients to Cook County unless everyone else tells them they are out of room).

They did an EKG on me at the hospital almost as soon as I got there, and said that they need to do more tests but that it did not appear to be a heart attack. After my enzyme levels came back, they were assured again that it wasn't cardiac arrest. They still gave me nitroglycerin (they squirted it on my chest and then covered the glop with a clear plastic patch). & aspirin. & a heparin pump. They wanted to rule out a pulmonary blood clot, so I went for a funky lung scan (not a CT, because I am allergic to the iodine dye). And while I haven't gotten the results of that test yet (more on that later, too), the docs told me they'd call me back to the hospital if any clots showed up on close examination (but a preliminary look at my scans did not seem to show any clots).

My echocardiogram, which is kinda like a heart ultrasound, showed my floppy mitral valve and active pericarditis (swelling in/around my heart). Active pericarditis is consistent with active lupus, especially in patients (like me) who have already had episodes of it. When I got that news, I decided to check myself out of the swanky hospital for which I have no insurance or subsidy and go home. They hadn't completed their battery of tests, but I'm pretty sure I had already racked up a bill over 10k and it seemed stupid to get admitted to the cardiac floor for observation.

The docs didn't really fight me on it, because my symptoms present as *classic* pericarditis: the pain gets A LOT worse when I lay down (is it lie down? someone please give me a link on this bit of grammar I've never gotten right), and the pain gets A LOT worse when I breathe in.

It's a super-common complication of lupus that I already know I am prone to, but the blood pressure/rapid heartbeat issues of hyperthyroidism makes my symptoms more pronounced and painful (and potentially more serious if I don't treat the pericarditis). It's just swelling, though, and that's something modern medical science has a lot of ways to deal with. I'm on 800mg/4x of Motrin to reduce swelling and I have to go back on IV steroids for a little while. I need to sleep in a sitting-up position for as long as I can tolerate it, and maybe just get into the habit of sleeping that way.

The most important thing is to avoid flares altogether and my part in that is that I really and truly need to stay out of the sun, that I have to spray down with sunscreen even if I am just walking around the block to get milk, that I have to bring my own shade with me (big hat or parasol), that I cannot be outside between 10am and 4pm *no matter what*. But last weekend, I was only outside for the walk to the bus (to get to the grocery store), and then for about a mile of walking the next day, to go to a friend's apartment. I've been limiting my sun exposure, but I have to eliminate it. After all these years, I still haven't figured out how that is possible.

In the eyes of the NFL, shouldn't Michael Vick's unforgivable sin be that he was involved in an illegal gambling ring?

I mean - I personally find his abuse of dogs to be the lowest behavior of which humans are capable, but even if I go so far as to allow for the arbitrary distinction of Man and Beast... Vick was still hosting those dog fights for the purpose of *illegal and unregulated gambling*. Which means he is in contact with the sorts of people who participate in such things. Which makes him vulnerable not only to their influence, but to extortion. Which puts the entire NFL's credibility at stake when one of its best quarterbacks is morally and ethically compromised.

I'm not one of those people who finds a serene beauty in landscapes, or a quiet calm in the viewing of "nature"... it's not scenery to me, so I don't only see the parts that resemble dentist-office paintings.

There was this place I would go, the forest around Argonne National Labs, and I went there to be distracted because everything was in motion - water, birds, leaves, insects, pebbles, dragonflies, deer, squirrels, deadwood... and it was the turbulence of the up-close view that contained enough to look at, enough to take in simultaneously, that it could wipe other thoughts from my mind. Just the physics of it all, really.

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Bob's mom comments, often, about how much he and I look alike. The funniest part of that: Bob and I acknowledge, to each other, that even if it is the result of extreme narcissism... we're okay with that.

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I'm still in love with my new apartment. It's small, but I have a kitchen I love cooking in once again. The cats seemed to be getting restless with less space to sneak off and hide in. I have plenty of blankets, though, and leftover boxes - so I am making kitty caves and they seem to appreciate them.

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I have a new project to announce in about a week. It's the biggest thing I've ever decided to do, and I'm lucky enough to be in partnership with the two people who create my dream team. I'ma gonna be asking for your input, criticism, contributions, word-of-blog, and anything else I can think of. Whatever good will, residual luck, or favors I might have in the nooks and crannies of my life, I'm piling it all up.

Thanking you in advance, my talented intelligent creative capable friends.

The pizza place closest to my new apartment (Caire's) has a Wednesday night special - a large (14") sausage (or pepperoni) pizza for $7 (normally $12). It's close enough that carrying home a pizza is easy.

And their usual price for a BIG beef is $4.50. The beef is La Scala, so it is flavorful and ordering w/hot peppers means jalapeños (which I like!). It comes w/ a small fry and if we also get a piece of chocolate cake ($1.50), Bob and I *both* fill up on 1 beef sammich and 1 piece o cake ($6 dinner out... I'm a cheap date!).

Other Pilsen bargains:
a whole roasted chicken w/ extra sauce & cibatta roll for $12 (from Honkytonk BBQ) and even after Bob and I both gorge, there are leftovers

chicken molé (Nuevo Leon) - chips, salsa, soup, tortillas, 1/2 a chicken's worth of molé, rice & beans, small salad & a scoop of ice cream for $8

chicken quesadillas (Efebos Café) w/guacamole, corn & pepper salad & a HUGE helping of saffron rice for (and this is just shocking) $5.50 (!)

Each of those places is less than 3 blocks from where I live. I don't eat out that often, but it's really great to have inexpensive yet WAY tasty mom-and-pop options

First - let me preface this by saying I am NOT talking about the parenting style of anyone on my LJ friends list, so rest assured - this is *not* about you. If any of you fall into these traps, it is on such a small scale that at least from my perspective it is unnoticeable.

FUCKING HELL I HATE THE WAY PARENTS TREAT THEIR GIRLS AND BOYS DIFFERENTLY. I hate it so much that I even hate it when people make generalizations like "he's such a boy" or "she's so girlie".

Maybe it's because I'm an in-betweener, and I know what it feels like to be both and neither, that I also know how horribly society reacts to people who do not obey their gender assignment's role. When parents reinforce what I consider the arbitrariness of social gender... it can create in a child a sort of distance between their own identity and their body and their concept of "being good". What could be a worse criticism than to hear, from a parent, that a behaviour you enjoy is unseemly for your gender? Even as a very small child, the underlying accusation of perversion is heard loud and clear.

And most children will struggle to please their parents, and be the girl or boy their parents desires. Even if a parent doesn't say these things in criticism, but instead as praising when a child fills their gender role (like by being pretty or polite for girls, or by being physically active or confident for boys) - it still sets up a definition of what it is to be male or female.

Again, maybe it is because I walk a biological line between female and male hormones that the distinctions are less apparent to me than they are to most everyone else... but... I know plenty of men and women without hormone issues who do not fit the molds of classically (in a Western sense) masculine or feminine.

How many people know families where the daughters are polite and pleasant yet the boys are beasts? That's parenting, not gender! Those are parents who want their girls to make everyone happy, yet allow their boys to think of themselves first. Or what about families where the girls are encouraged to be artistic and boys are encouraged to be competitive, but not the reverse? Is it that caring about the names of colors comes off as fruity in a boy, and fighting for a win is seen as lacking grace in a girl?

I mean - it usually doesn't manifest in glaringly obvious ways except in the most homophobic of households. In "liberal" homes, it's more subtle how it plays out... daughters are the "helpers" and the boys get away with slackfulness... girls get books about faeries and boys get books about frogs. Personally, I liked both sorts of books and my guess is that is true of most kids (whose minds haven't been poisoned with other people's notions of gender).

just venting.

ETA (more examples): being timid or bad at sports is allowed in girls, looked over in fact... but boys are encouraged to push themselves and step out of their comfort zone if that's what it takes to be assertive and athletic.

being impatient or rude is allowed in boys, considered a form of humor (in fact)... but girls are shown how to find the social cues and respect them, to understand and comply with appropriateness.

Turkey Ravioli in White Wine Tarragon Gravy (click pic for recipe)

Filling: ground turkey, minced onion, garlic, sage, savory, bread crumbs, romano cheese & sea salt
homemade pasta
Sauce: butter, flour, shallots, white wine, turkey broth, garlic, sea salt, broccoli bits, tarragon

What would *you* use to stiffen a doily/lace permanently? What if said doily/lace is 24" dia? I wanna hang it, but I don't wanna mount it.

I'm mostly unpacked, and what is still in boxes needs to wait until I put up wall shelves (of which there will be *many*). This new place is really wonderful. From the washer/dryer to the fully functioning electrical outlets to the screen doors - it's 100% HOORAY. I lurve my huge refrigerator and slowly the freezer will get filled with soups & stews & raviolis & pierogis.

and I'm super-insanely-SQUEEEEE that I can put stuff up on these walls... and that I even want to. Pics soon - it'll be a while before I get it to faboo, as finances constrain my decorating power (and I want to make the wall shelves myself. why pay $10-20 for a pre-painted shelf when I *like* to paint stuff?)

I don't really follow the Coquette Blog because the fashion Natalie showcases really isn't my style (formless sundresses in twee prints, wide legged linen pants, hippie jewelry - basically, really pricey boho). However, today Natalie posted a link (to her most recent blog entry) as her FB status, and I clicked.


WOAH NELLIE did I get myself a laugh and a half... $60 FLIP-FLOPS!



AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I wanna meet the person who spends $60 on flip-flops. So I can point. And laugh. I'm a *champion* of good shoes, and I would rather have fewer pairs that are high quality that have a closetful of cheapos. But $60 flip-flops?!?!?!?! Let's forget that I think flip-flops aren't appropriate for anywhere but the beach (unless you live on an island, but then - everywhere is the beach)... they are a wedge of foam and a plastic strap. There's very little engineering needed. Precision won't make a difference within the tolerance of the "flop".

PS - The move went well. I have phone & internet again. The kitties transitioned without a problem. And I'm finally crashing from all the mayhem. I think I might sleep for a day or so (oh the ache from carrying my crap down 3 flights of stairs!).

My new place ends up even better than I thought...

I wasn't keen on living on the first floor, or on a quiet side street. But I wasn't counting on the combination of 2 screen doors which open to a street where kids play freely (Miller St. is a one-way, and only 1 block long). I was even able to leave the doors open when it rained, because my awnings are big and the roof/gutter are fairly new. It really felt like home.

Everything is packed. Only a few cups & plates, the TV and this computer remain unboxed. Tomorrow I'm getting new litter boxes, making a run to the PO, taking another batch of dirty laundry over to the new place, and getting some no-heat laminating stuff so I can make mailbox/"deliveries here" signs.

Saturday is the move. Bob's mom is going to help me gets the cats over, and Bob's dad is going to drive the truck (Bob let his driver's license expire last year and just uses his state ID). His nephew, and his nephew's friend, are coming over to help. So are a couple of Bob's friends (Rick & Curtis). 5 guys should be able to get it done in 4 hours, because there aren't any stairs or hallways to deal with at the new place (and it's only 5 blocks from where we are now).

Here's the schematic to my new place. Space is tight, but that W/D - not much can beat that! For a scale, the living room is 15 x 12, BR-1 is 9.5 x 12 & BR-2 is 9.5 x 10. The only cabinets are above and below the kitchen sink.

I need organizing type stuff, so I can go vertical and/or put up shelves/baskets/whatever. The more DIY, the better cuz I'm on a *strict* budget,

Suggestions? Links? What are your favorite tricks of storage and organization?

Thyroid stuff is *driving me nuts*. It's always the worst as my period approaches and I'm out of my mind with insomnia and jitters. AHGHGHGHG I need a LOW.

I can't wait until this move is over. I'm at my limit, and stupidly broke-ified. But... on the other side of the move is a seriously improved quality of life, and an utter derth of upheaval so don't feel bad for me - I'm just being a whiner.

I miss writing here. But I got sick of every entry being about health stuff, and that's still ongoing. I'm better than before yet still a long way from "well". It's slow-going. It takes all my effort to not overestimate where I am at, to not push myself too hard, to not be the reason for my own setbacks.

I pick up the keys to the new place tonight. That's happy-making. But like I said - I SO can't wait until moving is not the most pressing thing in my life. 1 more week.

Stuff I am going to miss when I move:

(1) Being up high - I've been on the third (top) floor for my last 3 apartments (12 years) and I *love* it. I love having a view and it makes me feel safer from intrusion and it's *definitely* more private.

(2) Being on a main street. Also for my last 3 apartments, I was on a main street with commercial zoning (meaning the street level units are businesses). I really really really love the noise of the city. I mean - lots and lots and lots do I love to sit near my window and hear the cars and the random bits of conversation and the drunks at night and the kids playing and all of it. My new place is on a side street, tucked in by a couple blocks by all sides from a major street (which also means I'll have a longer walk to the bus than *ever* before, but it's still only 2 blocks).

(3) The large open living space. The new place is smaller. We won't notice it that much because I'm not losing usable space, but stuff will be more smooshed together.

(4) Natural light. Where I am right now is already kinda dark, but the new place... it's a cave. However, the installed lighting in the new apartment is better than what I currently have, so overall it seems brighter in the new place... but electrically so.

Stuff I won't miss:

(A) The wonky electricity that causes the lights to fluctuate and causes the fridge to shut off when the A/C turns on.

(B) The dinky fridge with the old fashioned freezer (that frosts, and currently has only a few cubic inches left before it is entirely iced over).

(C) The leaky roof.

(D) The MOLD.

(E) The creepy dark winding staircase that gives me vertigo.

(F) The tub with no faucet, making it a shower-only, but with a big basin.

(G) The crappy windows that don't close all the way (one had a one-inch gap all winter, I shoved a t-shirt in there, BUT STILL).

(H) The pastel yellow walls.

(I) The fact that I couldn't hang anything on the walls because it's not drywall - they just sealed the plaster with some sort of plastic faux wall.

(J) Having to walk my clothes to the laundromat almost 2 blocks away.

Might I suggest a Croshay Design Flower Pin as a gift for the many mom's on your list...? Only $7.50/each, super cute, and lots of colors from which to choose:

We got the apartment we wanted!

Let me say that again - we got the apartment we *wanted*.

HAPPY DANCE

2 decently-sized bedrooms, both with full-sized closets (one BR is 10x10, the other is 10x13)
large eat-in kitchen
IN-UNIT WASHER/DRYER
huge side-by-side refrigerator/freezer that has more than double the space of my current fridge
new double-paned windows and new window frames
central heat
hardwood floors (ceramic tile in the kitchen & bathroom)
ceiling fans in the bedrooms
first floor

It's in Pilsen, only about 4 blocks from where I am now. $775/mo. The washer/dryer will save me about $25/mo, because I spend about $40/mo at the laundromat (and I'll have some expense in the electric/gas). I'll save money on food because I have a real fridge with a working freezer, and I'm going to save A LOT of money on heating/cooling because I have central heating for the first time in 15 years.

I am SOOOOOO happy. It's about the same size as the apartment I'm in now, except that the bedrooms are bigger and the central space is smaller. But the layout makes it feel just as big, because the big kitchen opens into the living room with a 10ft wide arched opening.

It gets almost no natural light - it's the rear ground floor apartment. It's open to the west, on the alley-side, and the kitchen has one window that will get some afternoon light. The living room and bedrooms are blocked by the fire escape and the neighboring building (which is less than an arm's length away).

It's painted in vivid colors - cherry red in the kitchen, a saturated blue in the living room, and a muted olive in the bedrooms. The ceilings are high, so the lack of natural light won't be too much of a problem to correct in photos because I can set up the hot lights.

I'm so happy to have it handled. Now I can spend the next 2 weeks solely focused on packing and dealing with transferring my utilities and getting the cats moved.

I'm so glad I am moving somewhere that excites me. I'm so happy I am not leaving Pilsen. I'm so happy I'm going to have an in-unit washer and dryer.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. This is such a load off my mind (combined with OMG I'm UPGRADING).

Religious email signatures HAVE NO PLACE in emails that are not personal in nature. But some are worse than others.

Claiming your own beliefs in denomination-specific language, and including such in every email you send, is suspect. Claiming your God is better than everyone else's and anyone who doesn't believe as you do is damned/unelightened/a-soul-in-need-of-saving...

that's offensive. And from now on, I'm responding to the people who send me crap like that *especially* if they are customers. I'm a US citizen, and it's no one's business who I pray to but my own.

Stuff like "God is the Light of my life" or "In Him, I am saved" - that stuff doesn't bother me, although I still feel that it is inappropriate to include such in an email to someone you do not know.

But stuff like "But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you have missed everything in the world." is dismissive of all other beliefs people may hold and is, in effect, saying "anyone who doesn't believe in Jesus is, at best, living a pathetic life". Putting something like that in one's signature doesn't make it any less of an insult, or buffer it from earning a response.

UGH.

Easter Cupcakes

1-2-3-4 cake, cream cheese frosting w/almond extract, M&Ms, decorated by Bob -n- me:

One of the coolest aspects of Facebook, for me, is connecting with former grammar school teachers. I've written each of them thank-yous... what a crazy buncha idealistic hippies all of them were, and how lucky we were to get them in their prime.

All along my education, I had 30-something teachers with just enough experience to know how to run a classroom, and not so many years that it had become routine. Sure, there was the occasional shriveled up nun or drunk-&-crotchety science teacher... but there were also several Classic Rock-loving mathheads who shared their reverence for the DOS manual (I still have the 1.0 binder! It travels with me everywhere) & did so wearing torn jeans & flannel shirts; there were also economics teachers who used the marijuana trade as an example and civics teachers who handed out Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet to each year's favorite students.

Those days are over, aren't they? Teachers sanitize themselves before walking into a classroom and they check their humanity at the door.

I really do feel like I was educated in a golden era and I really do believe it was because teachers were allowed to be flawed & opinionated without risking their jobs.

Bob and I are going to look at an apartment this afternoon. It's in McKinley Park, on Western a little bit north of Archer.

1000 sq ft for $750. First floor, back yard shared with other tenants (of a 3-flat). The biggest drawback, from the ad, is that it has carpeting. It also looks like it might not get all that much light. But it's a lot of space for the $.

After we check that place out, we're going to wander around that neighborhood for a while and take down numbers.

You can rent a monkey for a week.

At first I thought it was a joke website, but after googling "monkey for a week" (most results always came up in the context of not spanking one's monkey for a week)... it appears renting monkeys for a week is available in most major markets in the US.

huh?

I posted about this on FB, but I forget to post it here...

In a UNANIMOUS DECISION the Iowa Supreme Court shuts down opposition to gay marriage.

Via the Bitter Girl Blog.

Coach Michael Kinahan wrote a tongue-in-cheek e-mail to the parents of his girls' soccer team, and ended up being forced to resign. The news article contains the e-mail and the letter of resignation.

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Parents These Days? Besides that those parents are obviously humorless and wouldn't understand the reasons behind hyperbole even if Flavor Flav came over for dinner... besides that they are without funny bones, even if much of what the coach wrote was in seriousness, I see no problem with almost everything he wrote. (and if people don't realize he was making a crack when it came to doping... the kids on his soccer team are SEVEN YEARS OLD... GAH people are such IDIOTS).

Does anyone know what the copyright rules are when it comes to excerpting?

I wanna share a few of the other photos of my design, as they appear in Inside Crochet, but I have no idea what the rules are. I sent an email to the publisher to ask permission, but this group is notoriously horrible about returning correspondence.

I'ma gonna put a few on my Facebook, but I want to put them in my Flickr and post them here, too.

Ok... so I was wandering around various places that sell patterns and Laura reminded me of Teva Durham, so I thought I'd check out what she's been up to lately. I discovered her Fall '08 Collection for Tahki Stacy Charles.

And while I don't normally snark knit, this stuff...

A chunky wool tank top. Really? Add in the poorly placed over-sized button and even if the model wasn't wearing a puffy-sleeved striped shirt it would look like part of a hobo clown costume.

Possibly the most tragic placement of lace on an otherwise acceptable sweater I've ever seen. I had to scratch the acceptable part when I took a look at how it pouches at the underarm, making the slouchy neckline look the sweater is actually old and stretched out.

Fair Isle Short Shorts. The doesn't-even-make-it-past-her-boobs sweater is bizarro, but those shorts! OMG.

Okay, I'll admit it... I despise non-sarcastic twee.

So y'all can have a laugh at my expense: they named my sweater pattern "Strawberry Shortcake".

* * * * *

I owe a bunch of people phone calls, but I hates the phone. Hates it.

* * * * *

I still can't exercise or anything close to it. The beta blockers help keep my heart beating more slowly than before, but when I exert myself I'm still getting palpitations (which is still leading to chest pain every now and then). And once my heart starts pounding, it still takes a long time to calm it down and it still leads to a panicked sensation after a few minutes of resting and still having it pound. It hasn't even been 2 weeks that I've been on the meds, so I understand it's a process. I'm still very hopeful that in another 2 weeks, I'll be able to start strength training.

* * * * *

I cannot wait to move. Several more awesome apartments are available. I won't pick a place until mid-April unless something so perfect pops up that I feel I *need* to live there.

I haven't started packing yet, and that makes me a little bit nervous. Last year, I was 1/2-packed by the time a month-to-go came around. I need boxes, though. I'm going to stop by the grocer to see if they have any that they'll give away.

* * * * *

I finally figured out why I have one section of hair that is always frizzy (instead of curly). It's the part that hits the pillow and gets rubbed.

I've perfected my Ginger Apple Galette (click the pic for the recipe):

3 new hair band designs. Patterns available soon. All 3 stitched in Cascade Sierra, a DK weight cotton/wool blend.

The Prairie Bow (it lays flatly against the head):




The Wildflower, a narrow band on a contrasting background:




The Texas Bow, made to pop up a bit: